Like my fear and ego are an indication of an absence of self-worth, my emotions tell the truth about what I still have to heal.
I always saw my emotions as my enemies. I felt all kind of negative emotions within me and they influenced my life for a big part. Or at least my almost constant emotional state. A slumbering negativity was almost always present in the background.
I often read that it was important to allow all emotions, including the negative ones, into the heart, because that would make them disappear on their own. Excellent, that was what I needed. Get out with them! And so, I started to accept them and allow them into my heart.
I visualized my heart with a door in it and I visualized the emotion as well. ‘Hello (negative emotion), I welcome you with all my heart. I would like to let you know that I fully accept you and that you are welcome in my heart. There is the door to my heart. Find yourself a nice spot and feel welcome and accepted. As soon as you have found a spot, I would like you to keep quiet and to not bother me any longer. Bye!’
Bam! Door closed, lights off and continuing the day without the annoying emotion that I just had fully accepted. What a relief!
But the emotion didn’t feel accepted, the emotion felt ignored and started to yell for attention. Instead of slumbering in the background, the negative emotion started to claim my whole attention and I started to get annoyed with it. I had accepted it, so it should have gone away by now.
Repeating the so-called acceptance made things worse instead of helping.
Another option to accept negative emotions was not to label them as negative. All emotions had a right to be there and it was my judgement about these emotions that made them good or bad. I learned that if I would see the emotions as a color, I could just accept the color. As soon as I felt an emotion, I gave the emotion a color. Anger changed into red, sadness into blue and jealousy became purple. Something that I thought was cool, because if I wanted to make the color purple with paint I would have had to look up which colors I needed to make it and now it happened automatically in my thoughts.
Converting the emotions into colors helped me to put them in perspective. Whenever I felt anger, I visualized the color red and I thought to myself; ‘Hello red, I think you are a nice color and you are allowed to be here.’ The emotion weakened and that created some space for a peaceful mind. The emotion didn’t consume me any longer, but turned into something that I could observe.
I kept on with this approach until I read a piece about acceptance. It explained that you can think that you accepted something, but that your emotions will always tell you the truth.
“The thought will be the lie, the emotion the truth”
And then the realization struck. The thoughts are the lies, the emotions the truth. I could tell anything to myself about acceptation, but my emotions would always tell me my truth.
Whether they are negative, positive, rational or irrational, they always come from the truth within me. Emotions are not irritating things that have to be hidden and ignored, they exist to be listened to because they tell a truth. And so, I started listening to them. They became my guideline.
At a certain moment I was lying in bed and I felt an emotion. The emotion was very present and didn’t feel right, but in the flow of daily life, it slumbered through my thoughts constantly without me being aware of it, until I thought back to the sentence “The thought will be the lie, the emotion the truth”. I realized that I had to give attention to the emotion that was in my thoughts and in my body.
‘All right emotion, what do you want to tell me? What is your truth? I’m listening.’
In that moment, something happened to me that I’ve never experienced before. It was like two electrical wires making contact and because of that contact a powerful energy field was created. I felt a wave of energy flowing through my body and for a short time I even felt a sort of “high” sensation in my emotions. After that, the emotion was gone. I don’t even remember which emotion it was at that time, even though normally I remember things very well. The emotion was completely gone the moment I acknowledged it.
My emotions are my truth and so now I use them as my guideline. If I feel an emotion, I ask the emotion what its truth is and what it wants to tell me. Everything my emotions tell me are lessons I can learn from.