7 ~ My own responsibility

When I felt hurt, it was easy to put the blame on someone else. ‘You did this and that is why I feel this way.’ 

And still, there was always a voice in my head that softly said not to blame other people for my emotions. Although somewhere I knew the voice was right, my Tasmanian Devil showed its middle finger to the voice. 

How could I be responsible for my own emotions if someone else hurt me? 

The answer to my question came totally unexpected from myself when I wanted to teach my kids something. 

Some time ago, I had a conversation about it with my kids. I explained that they always have a choice about how they could react in a certain situation. I used a role-playing game to make it clear to them. I asked my kids to say something unpleasant to me and in return I responded hurt and angry. I asked them again to say something unpleasant but this time I responded loving and full of confidence. 

I told my kids full of parental wisdom that they themselves are always responsible for their own reaction and while I said that, the realization hit me. 

I myself am always responsible for my own reaction. 

The irony about it was that I knew this for a long time because this sort of role-playing games was something I did with the kids often. 

I would say; ‘I think your coat is ugly.’ Whereupon I would learn my kids to respond: ‘You may think that, I think it’s pretty.’ or ‘You may think that, I like yours though.’ 

Responding disarmingly from self-worth. 

There are situations that may be very hurtful for me, while someone else is able to laugh about it. And it can be the other way around as well. The difference is the content of the list of Fear. When a situation occurs that is much like a situation that’s on the list, Ego will respond to that and because everyone has another list, everyone will respond to different situations. 

If I myself feel hurt, then that says something about me. Someone else’s behavior may be bad, but how I respond to that behavior is totally my responsibility. Regarding that, I could thank the other person when he or she hurt me. ‘Hey, thanks for doing / saying that. It made me realize that I’m missing self-worth. I can do something with that, thanks again.’ 

Another thing I realized is that often it was someone else’s Tasmanian Devil that hurt me. 

“The heart had wandered around in a world dominated by Fear and Ego.” 

I lost my self-worth because I had run into these egos everywhere. 

What I asked myself constantly after that was how I could respond when someone else’s Tasmanian Devil attacked me? 

I listened to the voice of my subconsciousness and it gave me two words; confidence and kindness. 

When I live with confidence (when I have self-worth), I would always be able to react with kindness. 

“You may think that, but I like your coat.” 

Without knowing, the answers were already inside me.