8 ~ The present moment 

One of the most inspiring books I’ve read is the book A new Earth by Eckhart Tolle. Not only did it hold up a mirror to myself regarding my own behavior, it also gave me new insights about how I should handle certain situations. Living in the present moment is one of them. 

Writing my blog still gives me a lot of fear of failure. Although I try to stay authentic, voices of doubt keep following me constantly. ‘Everything you write is incoherent, unclear nonsense that serves no one’s purpose, Es. With every new post you make, you make a fool out of yourself, so just stop it.’ It’s the voices of my fear and ego that want to keep me safe. ‘Come on, Es, just go into the vault where you’re safe. No one can hurt you there.’ Fear of failure regarding my blog was constantly lurking in my thoughts until my eye fell upon a certain image. Something I knew for a long time, but hadn’t applied was served back to me;

I forgot to live in the present and I only worried about the future. 

The image made me aware of my behavior and enabled me to place myself in the present moment for a short while again. I looked around the room and I asked myself if there was any danger or problem in that moment. There were no problems, nor danger, everything was all right. 

I think the weight of the past and the future is draped over human life like a heavy, dark shroud, underneath which we are looking for happiness. We search for happiness in the present, but only look at the past and the future. The heavy, dark shroud disappears on its own when you are conscious of the present moment and right in that moment is where you’ll find happiness. For me, happiness is; the stillness of the present moment where I have the peace to feel the love of my heart. 

I can compare it with the climb up the mountain. My goal is reaching the top. What’s at the top? Pure freedom, without insecurities? A life free of fear and ego? I don’t know exactly, but at the moment, I’m happy with every centimeter I climb up. What I’m not looking for is happiness. I expect happiness, but that’s a consequence of my fear disappearing. Happiness is not something I have to look for, happiness is within me. I can stop climbing half the way up the mountain, place myself in the present moment and just feel the happiness that’s already within myself. 

I don’t have to search for happiness, because it’s already in me. 

I wrote the following text a couple of months ago in my dairy and I still use the visualization whenever I can’t remember how the present moment feels. 

Sometimes I think about all the fuss in the world. The constant activity and all the expressions of human emotions. Then I think about what it would be like when everyone would just immediately stop doing what they are doing and bring themselves to the present moment. At that moment there would be nothing but infinite peace and that infinite peace would create space for love and happiness.”